25 Things…

by Charles Miller on February 2, 2009

I was tagged with yet another of those ‘tell me a list of things I don't know about you’ memes, this time on Facebook. So for those of you who care, here is another random collection of facts about Yours Truly.

  1. I cannot fall asleep without the sound of Donna Summer's "Back in Love Again" playing in the background.
  2. Halfway through my first ever driving lesson, the instructor informed me that you do not, in fact, have to make the "brmmm brmmm!" noises yourself.
  3. At seven years of age, I met Chuck Norris. I still have a small scar just next to my left eye.
  4. I find it difficult to keep friends for very long. As an attempt to remedy this, I've taken to fitting their ankles with radio receivers so I can track them as they migrate.
  5. My favourite dance is the Lambada, the forbidden dance.
  1. My great-uncle Harold declared war on the United States of America, and spent the rest of his life drawing up surprisingly plausible invasion plans. Sadly he died before he could procure an amphibious landing craft.
  2. My first ever girlfriend was called Sarah. It was a short, intense affair with a short, intense woman. The coroner would later classify her death as ‘spontaneous human combustion.’
  3. My astral form is a small parrot called George.
  4. In the dark of night, when nobody else is looking, I boot all my computers into Windows XP and attempt to summon The Hornèd One.
  5. I am a few inches shorter than my actual height.
  6. Wherever I go, I carry a small LED display that always reads ‘9.8 ms⁻²’. When asked why, I say that I'm watching my weight.
  7. I have written four novels, but all were refused publication under the Official Secrets Act.
  8. I am obsessed with the television show "Doctor Who", to the extent that I have replaced David Tennant with an animatronic robot so I can keep the real actor in a trunk in my closet. Sometimes I bring him out at parties and ask him to sing.
  9. I am allergic to most common household cleaning products. Also vacuum cleaners, lawnmowers and dead light bulbs.
  10. Every so often I break into the Sydney Aquarium late at night to keep the fish company. I think the rainbow trout fancies me.
  11. After a terrible childhood accident I received ground-breaking surgery during which the doctor crafted a new nipple from tissue taken from the inside of my cheek.
  12. When very drunk I will admit that yes, I have been to Adelaide.
  13. I have always been interested in writing software. When I was eleven I entered the Kessel Coding Challenge in my home state of Western Australia, which I completed in less than twelve parsecs.
  14. My career as an exotic dancer was short-lived.
  15. I am the founder of the ‘stealthy fish’ school of martial arts.
  16. I am one of the few people to defeat Chen Kenichi, Iron Chef Chinese, although some observers still claim I was lucky the theme ingredient for the day was Vegemite on toast.
  17. Quantum Physicists have proven that if you say my name three times, there is approximately a 10⁻⁷² probability of my appearing at your location. For those tempted to try, be warned that the chance of our molecules occupying the same space and thus annihilating us both is non-negligible.
  18. Natalie Portman never returns my calls. The bitch.
  19. It is well known that I am not a morning person. What is less known is that I am also not an afternoon person, an evening person or a night person. I am only properly functional between the hours of 2 and 3 PM. On Thursdays.
  20. I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

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