How did they manage to send me the same flyers three times on the same day? Well, how about by getting every single instance of my (previous) address wrong in a slightly different way? →

When a phrasing like this is (a) so unlike normal speech, and (b) repeated so often, it's pretty clear that it's being used as a matter of policy. Some meeting was had to whiteboard the perfect response that sounds concerned and proactive, but admits absolutely no fault on the part of the carrier. →

Feeling old... →

Ways not to answer the question: "Do you love me?" →

Dear Sir and/or Madam, I noticed that you decided to "follow" me on Twitter. Not knowing who you were, and mindful of the possibility you may be a friend, colleague or net.acquaintance using an obscure handle, I visited your Twitter homepage. →

Never underestimate the power of rote learning. →