I've just been ordered to turn off Ricki Lake by my best friend, who generally knows what's good for me far better than I do. Tonight's topic was "Straight women who can't resist lesbian studs".

What amazes me is the people who sit in the sound-proof booth for the first half of the show, waiting to be brought out to discover the real reason they're there. I mean, anyone who knows anything about these talk shows has to know the moment they go in there, you're not there for the reason you were told last week.

After five minutes of sitting there with the headphones on, knowing your girlfriend/boyfriend is out the front, you've got to be starting to think "Ohmy God, she's sleeping with my grandparents."