Blood Sacrifice

January 14, 2004 7:56 AM

People sometimes wonder why there are so many sharp edges in the average PC case. adri wonders at the inability to insert PCI cards without sustaining injuries

There's a secret, dark reason for all this.

The computer wants your blood.

This isn't just a couple of lazy PC manufacturers not caring enough to smooth the edges in their cases. The simple fact is that getting a computer to work is a dark rite, and the components may very well need your blood to bring them to life.

The noteable exception, of course, is Apple computers. Apple seem to go to great lengths with the Powermac to make the case easily accessible, and far less dangerous.

This is because by the time you've bought one, Apple already own your soul.

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You need to ease up on those shrooms, Charles.

One of my first tasks at my first full-time IT job was building a dozen PCs. PCs with cheap, cheap cases and sharp, sharp edges. My hands and fingers didn't recover for weeks. And up until now I thought it was a hazing ritual all the new folks in the department had to endure. Thanks for setting me straight about the demonic motivations!

In all seriousness, I think decently constructed PC cases have no sharp edges -- my six year-old PC Power and Cooling case is a breeze to work with, no bandages necessary.

I forgot about these two quotes:

"Getting a SCSI chain working is perfectly simple if you remember that there must be exactly three terminations: one on one end of the cable, one on the far end, and the goat, terminated over the SCSI chain with a silver-handled knife whilst burning *black* candles." -- Anthony DeBoer

"SCSI is *not* magic. There are *fundamental* *technical* *reasons*
why you have to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain every now and then." John F. Woods (

I think this sort of explains why I, even though I hate messing with anything hardware-related, still find myself opening that case every other month. The computers basic strategy seem to be to make sure the disks fill up, forcing me to install a new drive.

Generally if you pay more money, the cases will be less sharp. Perhaps it's the industry's way of punishing those who are less free with their money than others. Or it could just be another instance of "you get what you pay for", a phrase I used so often with my customers, who would nod wisely and then order cheapass stuff anyway. Then 6 months later say, "You know what, you were right." Duh.

It doesn't matter though, because if the case doesn't get you, an expansion card will. PCs as a single entity are... well, a single entity, and they DEMAND SACRIFICE.

It's just one of those truths about life you really don't want to believe; like how economy class is always cattle-class so that airlines can squeeze the premiums out of first class and business class, since economy is so uncomfortable and might give you deepvein thrombosis.

Neil Gaiman's written a poem (albeit a rather crap poem) about this. It's called 'Cold Colors', and has people going door-to-door selling pigeons for people to sacrifice when they need to use their word processors or whatnot. Perhaps Adri should look into that as a possibility. . . .

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