Human Virus Scanner

The virus that have infected you will be show here along with thier cures, if known.

Viruses you suffer from:

Pokemon (101%)

Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

Linux (135%)

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

Junkfood (120%)

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Sci-fi (100%)

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

Free BSD (135%)

The GPL isn't that bad really. Adopt a penguin at the zoo.

Amiga (120%)

Gnome is better than workbench. BEOS is better than Amiga OS. The TV Modulator was a pain in the arse and an EXTERNAL power pack? I ask you. And it didn't have a built in MIDI port like some of its rivals.

BBCB (120%)

CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

Religion (100%)

Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

8-Bit (170%)

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

Japan (130%)

Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

UNIX (125%)

Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

Discordia (120%)

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Windows (100%)

Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

vi (120%)

Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.

Politics (190%)

Stop caring!

Computer Games (170%)

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Conspiracy Theory (128%)

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Ultima (110%)

If you find one tell us.

Environmentalism (103%)

Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Viruses you might suffer from:

USA (70%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rules the waves. [repeat]

Gaming (70%)

Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.

Industrial (70%)

Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

British (60%)

No need for cure. Benign virus.

Brand Names (90%)

Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

X11 (60%)

I hear Mac OS 10 Aqua is nice at this time of year.

Hippyism (93%)

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Macintosh (80%)

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Prog Rock (60%)

Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.